Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

With ADHD, I was often chastised for misunderstanding simple instructions, forgetting things, not finishing what we start, doing things the wrong way, not caring enough, being too emotional, not being emotional enough.

I soon ended up carrying so much baggage relating to how I’d been rejected, that it felt like everything I did would result in rejection.

After a time, we often learn to become people pleasers to try counter the rejection– by being more helpful, seeking approval, and saying yes to everything because we are trying to counter balance that teeter-totter of rejection/approval.

Of course, with executive function issues, we are often unable to finish what we start, or adhere to and honor our commitments to others easily for a multitude of reasons.

This can, in turn, lead to more heightened experiences of rejection when those same people question our dedication and for over- promising and under-delivering, yet again.

I became trapped in an insidious feedback loop where I’d take on more tasks to compensate for the ones I’d dropped, and I’d fail to achieve those as well, begetting more experiences of rejection. 

Glorious freedom and long, sunny days stretching out ahead. For most, the end of summer term used to signify nothing but a high point in the year, but for Amy Cocksedge, now 24, thinking back to the school holidays conjures up the beginning of an agonising emotional spiral. Something that later carried through to her university days, too.

If messages from friends grew quieter – something that tends to accompany the natural ebb and flow of a busy break – a sensation would wrap itself around Amy's body. Chest pains. Racing thoughts. Hot tears. Every day without a text "would feel like a direct, personal attack," she explains. For Amy, any ambiguity would see her leap to a devastating conclusion: that everyone secretly hates her. Tormenting thoughts of being disliked, or having failed in some way, would override everything.

For the neurotypical people in your life:

If you’ve ever wondered what AuDHD feels like, this video walks you through the lived, everyday experience of having both autism and ADHD—at the same time.
Especially for adults who were diagnosed late, the experience isn’t always what people expect. It’s not just a mix of traits. It’s a whole different way of thinking, feeling, and processing the world.

In this video, I explore the emotional, cognitive, sensory, and social patterns that show up again and again in AuDHD adults—and how they’re different from ADHD or autism alone.

Whether you’re figuring this out for yourself or finally putting words to what you’ve always felt, this is what AuDHD feels like from the inside.

I don't know how I was led to this article, but oh my giddy aunt, having been accused of perfectionism from time to time, and having oodles of executive dysfunction, I have Opinions about it.

Parents are flabbergasted when I suggest that perhaps their child lives within a messy and unscheduled life because they are putting off the responsibility to get the work done perfectly. Most people assume that a perfectionist is someone with a strictly organized environment and routine, the highest grades, and many accolades. Nothing below perfect is accepted by them and they strive daily for that sense of accomplishment. Yet, what many people don’t recognize is the behind-the-scenes agony that transpires inside a child’s (or adult’s) head when they strive for perfection. The amount of planning, rough drafts, materials, and time it takes to reach perfection can weigh heavily on anyone who rigidly believes that this is the only recipe for success. It’s no wonder why so many projects seem like gigantic monsters that should be avoided until a student has no choice but to face the fear and get it done or fail the class.

Some fantastic advice here:

I have lost count of the hours I have spent trying to implement standard time-management tools, only to ignore countless reminders to take a break while debugging code or staring at the screen, feeling nauseous, trying to ‘eat the frog’ — that is, do the hardest task first.

Instead of managing time, I now manage my motivation by setting daily and weekly goals. On Monday, I add to my planner goals for each day of the week — no more than one big task per day, as well as smaller tasks, and mark the urgent ones. I avoid adding tasks that will require focus on days I know I’ll be prone to distraction. I switch non-urgent tasks between days if I’m just not in the mood to tackle them.

I start my day early so that I can have some distraction-free time, during which I can hyperfocus on tasks I find most motivating, such as writing or analysing data, or cross urgent tasks off my list. The positive kick then helps to keep me going through the day.

[…]

It is not always easy to identify the sources of stress, let alone determine what changes in behaviour or perceptions might help in adjusting to new situations. I try to be kind to myself when everything feels overwhelming or when I fail to keep up with expectations. I know that by patiently embracing this path, I will eventually, but slowly, regain my balance.

I realize now that a career in science can be a great option for naturally curious, creative, observant, tenacious and highly energetic minds. But accommodating these individuals requires acknowledging diverse ways of thinking, working and communicating, and promoting inclusive working environments. All would benefit from this approach, neurotypical and neurodivergent alike.

“By and large, the education system is not designed for people like me,” says the researcher. She says that sitting still for hours on end, following a set timetable and learning things in a more or less predetermined way that she couldn’t prioritise herself was terrible for her. “It made me so angry that I had panic attacks, was afraid to go to class and had to repeat a year of school.” She ended up skipping classes and instead studied subjects she enjoyed in a café. Since her teachers were worried about her, they let her carry on. “But it didn’t occur to anyone at the time that I might have ADHD,” says Bastos. She now knows that her brain “simply works differently to other people. I can accept myself as I am,” she says. It took her a long time to get to this point.

[…]

“People with ADHD notice many things at the same time,” she explains: “You’re easily distracted if you’re doing something you’re not motivated to do. But if I am very interested in a task, I can spend days on it non-stop, even forgetting to eat and drink,” says the scientist. “If you can’t learn to set your own boundaries, you won’t get anywhere.” Feelings also play a major role: “I am impulsive and get excited, but then I also fall hard,” she admits frankly.

When she was finally diagnosed with ADHD in 2022, “it was a turning point for me,” she says. “On the one hand, I was able to better understand and communicate my own needs, which also made it easier for those around me to understand me,” she says. “I also want to emphasise that medication is very helpful,” she adds. 

[…]

To raise awareness of ADHD and develop resources, she has contacted the Office for Equality, Diversity and Family Affairs. She is also involved in a national initiative to reduce the stigma around mental illness in science.

But that’s not all: ultimately, the aim is to bring greater inclusion and diversity – including neurodiversity – into academic institutions. “Research clearly shows that diverse teams are more creative and deliver better results because they bring in more perspectives,” she says. “In climate and environmental research in particular, we need solutions to problems that are complex and affect everyone. We still have a lot to change.”

Online, the idea that autism and ADHD can coexist is so widely accepted that it has spawned its own label – “AuDHD” – and a groundswell of people who say they recognise its oxymoronic nature, perpetual internal war and rollercoaster of needs. There are tens of thousands of people in AuDHD self-help forums, and millions more watching AuDHD videos.

Some of those videos come from Samantha Stein, a British YouTuber. “The fact that you can have both [autism and ADHD] at the same time is kind of paradoxical in nature,” she admits. “You think: ‘How can you be extremely rigid and need routines and structure, but also be completely incapable of maintaining a routine and structure?’”

[…]

Other AuDHDers give colourful analogies to describe the epiphany of diagnosis. Before the discovery, I’m told, it’s as if you are trying to fit in and be a horse rather than celebrating the fact that you’re a zebra. It’s like being trapped in a maze in the dark, then suddenly the lights are on and now there’s a way to navigate out.