Hilarious. Joyless monomaniacs near you are looking for loveâŠ
According to useless rag The Daily Mail, who interviewed Watson about her cool new phrenology software, the appâcalled LâApp, like some sort of miserable French pre-dinner mealâwill use âsex-recognition technologyâ to âensure only biological females can sign up.â As ever, I cannot begin to guess what the fuck a âbiological female is,â but maybe if we break down what the app is actually looking for we can come up with a few ideas.
When you sign up on the app, you have to let it scan your face, a decision that any dystopian science fiction film can tell you is a fantastic idea. The app will âanalyzeâ features like âbone structure, the shape and positioning of an individual's eyes, eyebrows and nose shape or sizeâ to determine whether or not youâre a true adult human female or just some sort of poseur.
Watson says LâAppâs transgender detection is 99% accurate, an absolutely stunning number that Iâm absolutely sure is correct and not made up. Considering trans people in general make up roughly one percent of the world population, my back of the napkin math suggests the app canât actually catch any trans women at all.
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Watson admitted to The Mail that sheâs had some particularly amusing trouble fitting in on other dating apps.
âAny time I've joined a lesbian dating app or any other dating app myself, I get banned. To avoid trans-identified males, I will always write a little blurb, nothing disrespectful, saying my preference is for women and please respect my boundaries. And every time I do that I get banned. On one app I was asked to put down my most controversial opinion, so I wrote that J. K. Rowling was right and was banned for that. It's insane.â
Oh yes, Jenny, itâs the rest of the world thatâs gone insane. Youâre the only one who gets it. The rest of us are simply delusional, and thatâs why other lesbians donât want your rancid ass on their dating app. Have fun on your own app where the icky trans girls arenât allowed. Iâm sure the fact that other lesbians keep banning you from their dating apps is no indication of how successful your purity test app will be.